Chapter 48

chapter Forty Eight

*Ariya*

My eyes grew wide. The tears that threatened to fall now fell freely. I wasn't sure if I was happy, angry or sad.

"It's me, princess." Ivan said, kissing my forehead.

I threw my arms around him and cried. Ivan wrapped his arms around me. I instantly felt safe. Even with where we were, I felt like nothing was going to touch us. I buried my head in Ivan's chest. We stayed like that for a bit. Ivan letting me get my inside emotions outside. I felt such relief. I didn't remember the rest of that night but I thought Ivan had died. The guy that held Keo was actually Ivan though. Not Justin. Ivan had been fine this whole time. Keo had been fine this whole time. My Mom was apparently alive but we didn't know where.

I shoved at Ivan's chest, "Wait, how long have you known?"

Ivan laughed but didn't let me go, "Not that long. I only really figured it out last night. Though I vaguely remember something happening last night too."

I wriggled in his grasp, trying to look at him, "Is it really you though?"

"Please stop moving, I don't want to let you go. I will if you want me to though."

"I just want to see your face." I whispered.

Ivan laughed, "Haven't you been seeing my face for years now?"

I blushed, "Your real faceyou look a little different."

Ivan let me go but put one hand on my cheek, cradling my face with his hand. Ivan flashed his wolf eyes at me. They were the most magnificent blue. It was a blue that had what looked like white and gray in it. I used to get lost looking in his wolf eyes after he shifted.

"Is it really you, Ivan?" I asked.

Ivan looked down, "Mostly. I still don't remember everything, but I know who I am. I know who you are. I remember everyone. But I don't remember everything that happened. The memories when I was Justin are still there. Seems like I loved you even when I didn't know who I was."

I blushed, "Loved me?"

Ivan Laughed, "Yes, Ari. I've always loved you and I always will."

"You never said anything."

"I did, you just don't remember yet. You will though. Pretty soon, I'm sure."

"We both still have a lot to remember, don't we?"

"I think so. But I don't think we're too far off from what we know."

"Hopefully we have some happier memories." I grumbled.

Ivan pulled me back into his arms, "I think so. Not everything was bad before. It was mostly that night. Drake had to lock a lot though. He did it to protect us. You know that."

"I do, but it doesn't mean I like it."

Ivan let me go, "What was last night about?"

I looked at him confused, "What do you mean?"

"Drake, Keo, and Caleb showed up and did something. I remembered more after that, but I barely remember what happened. I remember seeing them. I remember hearing something about saran wrap. That's it. I also got some memories back, but I don't think that was related."

"Saran wrap?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"You don't remember anything? They never reached out?" Ivan asked.

Something clicked in my mind and I got a piece of the puzzle back, "It's because you're only mostly back. You don't remember everything yet. I think because a part of you is still Justin I can't remember. I'm not sure about that though. I'm sorry."

Ivan lifted my head to look at him, "Don't be sorry about anything, Ari. I'm here. I'll remember everything soon enough and we can fill in everything together. I'm not going anywhere now."

I looked into Ivan's eyes, trying to read them.

"What's wrong?" Ivan asked me.

"I don't get it. I know you're Ivan now. But I keep thinking about when you were Justin. I started to fall for you as Justin. But I also felt safe at times in your arms. But it felt like there was a wall up."

"There was. As Justin I believed what Drake had put in my head and the thoughts of everyone that surrounded me. You are influenced by your surroundings. So if you're surrounded by people that think about creating a better world, you will also think more in that manner. But if you're surrounded by people that only think about how they're victimized then that thought process will also influence you. It's not to say that you will only be able to think that way. There are outliers. Being surrounded by people who thought the Navi were monsters affected me. So when I didn't remember who I was and was around them, naturally Justin thought the same. But because I had such strong feelings about you before we were separated it made things confusing. You were technically my only trainee as Justin and as Justin I developed feelings about you. When you turned it made those feelings difficult to understand. So there was a wall up."

"This is going to get confusing." I said.

Ivan laughed, "Yeah probably."

"How are we going to keep things straight?"

"I'm not totally sure. We're going to have to figure that out. Maybe Drake, Keo, and Caleb can help us."

"I don't even know if I can talk to them."

"I'm sure you can and I'm sure you have. They wouldn't leave you like this. Actually thinking about it, Keo wouldn't have left you at all. How did you manage that one?"

I laughed, "I didn't really give a choice. He hadn't fed, I had. So I hugged him, told him he didn't have a choice this time, and then I might have just shoved him out the door."

Ivan's eyes grew wide, "You're going to pay for that later, you know that right?"

"It's ok, you'll protect me." I grinned at him.

Ivan's eyes flashed blue, "Always."

My stomach growled, ruining the moment.

Ivan laughed, "I'll go get some food and come back."

"Wait! Don't leave me!" The panic setting in.

Ivan took my face in his hands, "I am never going to leave you, Ari. I'm yours. But you need food too and you can't just come with me."

"I know but what are you going to tell Boss? He's going to want to know when I get a new memory."

Ivan cursed, "It's the only way to keep them from torturing you too."

"Just tell him. Tell him I got a new memory."

"He'll come in here though." Ivan growled, his eyes turned blue and his body began shivering.

"Shhh. Ivan, breathe. You can't shift here. You promised me you wouldn't leave me and if you shift they'll kill you and then you will leave me." I said, the tears spilling down my face.

Ivan wiped the tears from my eyes, seeming to calm down instantly, "I'm not going to leave you, Ari. I promise you, I'll always come back to you."

"Tell Boss that I got a memory back. He'll come in, I will tell him what I remembered and then he'll leave. I can act angry if I need to."

"Ari, if he touches you, I'll end up shifting on the spot." Ivan warned.

"You won't." Part of the puzzle clicked in my head, "You won't remember you're Ivan as soon as you leave."

"Excuse me?" Ivan growled.