Chapter 53

chapter Fifty Three

*Ariya*

I was starting to worry about Ivan. He was so angry about how he was as Justin that I think he forgot that he was trying to survive. I didn't blame him for anything but I worried that if he didn't come to accept that he was Justin that he would break. I couldn't bear to see that happen to him.

I took his face in my hands, "Ivan. I need you to understand that when you were Justin you were trying to survive. I don't blame you for anything. You weren't cruel to me either. If anything you helped me, even when you were Justin."

Ivan sighed, "You're going to have to remind me of that. But we need our memories back first before I'll be willing to fully accept it."

"Ivanwe might not be able to wait until your memories fully come back."

Ivan sighed again, "Then let's get it over with. But I need you in my arms."

I smiled at him and climbed into his lap. I nestled my head into his chest. I felt like I could sleep right now, but we had things to cover. Ivan wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on top of mine.

"Are you going to play devil's advocate then?" Ivan asked.

"I can if that's what you need." I told him.

Ivan nodded, "Let's start with your training."

I laughed, "That's easy, Ivan. You were teaching me. I had to learn in a realistic way. You taught me slowly so I got the concept first and then we went to more realistic training where you actually attacked me. You should do that. If you didn't I wouldn't have been able to hold my own during any of the assignments I went on without you."

Ivan flinched, "I still don't like it."

"I know but you'll have to do it again." I said.

Ivan growled, "Why's that?"

"Because I need a lot more training and who better to teach me hand to hand combat than someone who was trained in almost every form of fighting since he's been with the government for 14 years. There's a reason you made it up to Boss's right hand. Your tracking skills beat everyone else, but you weren't just an excellent tracker. You knew how to fight. Besides, you can't always be trying to fight the world off to protect me. I need to be able to handle my own as well."

"I can't hurt you though, Ari." Ivan whispered.

"You can't hurt me anymore, Ivan. I'm a vampire now. A blood born vampire."

"You can still feel pain." Ivan growled.

"The pain is temporary. I heal very quickly as long as I feed." I laughed.

"Fine, but you can only feed from me."

"IvanI'm bonded to Caleb though." I said, becoming uncomfortable.

Ivan laughed, "I don't think you are. I can't explain why I think that yet but I don't think you are. I think there's a lot more to the bond than what we think."

I looked at him confused, "More than just drinking from you guys?"

"Yeah. I know Derek told me, but I don't remember right now. Drake locked it. So I doubt if Caleb knows."

"Drake mentioned that Caleb bonded already with Keo, but he said that he wasn't sure how Caleb bonded twice but that it might be because Caleb didn't remember."

"When everyone remembers then we will take it from there. For now though, if we are able to, will you bond with me?" Ivan asked, looking at me seriously.

"Always." I told him.

I wasn't worried that Caleb would be upset. Caleb was my guardian and he never made a move to act differently toward me. Keo kept telling me that it was supposed to be Ivan and I had a feeling that by now, Caleb would say the same thing.

"There needs to be an exception though." I added.

"What's that?" Ivan asked.

"If you're hurt and I can't feed from you, OR if you aren't around." I told him.

"That's given. The other exception is if you're feeding to kill."

I flinched, "I don't want to end up doing that."

"I know Ari, but there might come a time when you might have to. If it happens, don't hesitate. Feeding to kill isn't like really feeding. You'll probably need to talk to Drake about that though. I don't really know how it works but I know it isn't the same."

"Ok. So what's next?" I asked him.

"I electrocuted you before the assignments started."

I laughed, "That was actually a good thing you did that. I had found out only a bit before that Boss had been the one that set the attack on our village that night. I almost turned after and that was without activating my abilities."

Ivan looked at me, shocked, "That's not good, Ari."

"I know but Caleb was able to calm me down. After that we made the plan. Then when I saw Boss again in that room I almost lost control. My body almost turned and then you electrocuted me. You took the anger away from me. Oh and by the way, you felt really bad about that. I could tell. You were fighting yourself again."

Ivan's eyes went wide, "I think I knew. That whole time. I think I knew that I was me. I felt like I didn't remember something and it was bugging me. I didn't know what it was though. I just felt like there was something else going on but I couldn't put it together."

I laughed, "You always looked really grumpy, I was kinda nervous to talk to you."

Ivan laughed, "Good. I didn't want you to be with me in that way."

"I know. Your last big issue is where being Justin made you hate me on principle, right?"

Ivan growled, "Yeah."

"Don't stress on that one so much. Everyone outside of our clan is scared of us. But they can come around. Mya and Link did. They tried to fight Drake and Caleb before I died."

Ivan flinched, "I want to know what happened but not until after I've shifted. I don't know if I can control it."

"Ok, but please realize that even Justin was coming around. He was nervous around me, but he didn't hate me. He was lost and confused and it was because he was realizing that I was me, regardless that I had turned. I was still me."

Ivan's grip on me tightened, "Fine. I will accept that when I was Justin I did what I needed to. I don't like it but I will accept it."

I looked up at Ivan, "Why are you so tense?"

"I don't like you feeling like I'm not ok with who you are."

"Ivan, you already proved that you're completely ok with me. I'm not worried about the rest. You just need to accept the fact that you had to do what you needed to so you could survive. That's the only reason why you were the way you were as Justin."

"I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

"Don't. Don't spend the rest of your life making it up to me. Spend the rest of your life being with me and making it through all of this together."

Ivan leaned and put his forehead against mine, "Always and forever, Ari."