Chapter 83

chapter Eighty Three

*Ariya*

It took everything in me not to bite down. Ivan begging would have convinced me to bite down and I wanted to but I had fed on him already today. If I fed more others might notice. I didn't want to risk it and I didn't want to risk feeding on him until a normal person would die. Drake had warned me, though very briefly, that when you did feed until a person died you rode a high. That feeling made you want more. But with an Original Navi Wolf it was a part of their ability that their body would somehow be emptied and then new blood cells would just appear instantly. It was why they couldn't die from us but it had to be one of us that did it or they would die. Feeding from Caleb was the only time that I had ever done that. But it wasn't when I was conscious that I was feeding. It was the first time when your unconsciousness took over. The primal side. So I never felt the high that came from feeding that much. But with Ivan, I knew I would feel every bit of it.

He was already hard enough to resist. I couldn't risk killing him. I was too scared to. Drake said it should be fine but I didn't trust it. Ivan wasn't like the other wolves. He couldn't communicate and that was because of the mate bond. The only thing any of us remembered about the mate bond was that we were meant to be together. Ivan was an Original Navi Wolf but because he had found out that I was his mate things were always different for him. Until we remembered what it meant I wanted to play it on the safe side. I couldn't lose him. I loved him as much as he loved me. Even though I didn't feel the mate bond like he did, I felt a pull towards him.

"We can't. I've already taken too much from you today." I said, pulling away from him.

"Don't leave me." Ivan said, the panic in his eyes.

I blinked, surprised. It took me a second to realize that his mind had started to go back to that night. He needed to sleep. To get the rest of the memory. Waking him up the way I had, he seemed stuck. Going back to the fear he had that night. I moved back toward him and leaned into his chest. I took in his scent. I was in control. I was hungry, but I was in control. I could wait to feed. I closed my eyes, focusing on the feeling I got from being in his arms. I could feel his body start to relax.

"I'm not going anywhere, Ivan. I'm yours. You don't have to worry about that." I reassured him.

"I'm sorry. My mindit keeps going back." Ivan whispered.

I looked up at him, the worry evident in my eyes.

"I'll be ok, princess. I just don't know if I'm going to be able to leave here tonight." Ivan said.

"Won't you get into trouble? Won't Boss get suspicious if you stay? What if someone comes over trying to see where you're at?" I asked him.

Ivan cursed under his breath, "They will. I won't get into trouble, but they'll get suspicious for sure. I need you though. No one should come to check but if I don't leave, I wouldn't be surprised if Boss showed up early in the morning. I'm good for a few hours though."

"Well then let's eat some of this delicious food you brought." I said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Arinevermind." Ivan said.

"What is it? Tell me." I said, looking at him.

He leaned his head against mine and took a deep breath, "It's probably weird and you can totally say no, but can you stay close to me? Like you're touching me close."

"Absolutely." I grinned, beaming at him, "It calms you, doesn't it?"

Ivan nodded, "It does. How can you tell?"

"Your body keeps getting tense when your mind goes back to that night. When I lean into you or hold your head, like when you were in wolf form, I can feel you start to relax." I told him.

"I'm sorry."

"Please don't be sorry. If I'm being honest, I really love that I can be snuggled up in your arms. I love being close to you." I told him.

"I love it too." Ivan said, squeezing me tightly.

Ivan and I ate the food he brought. I scarfed it down enjoying having at least one part of my hunger satisfied. Ivan laughed as he watched me scarf.

"You can have mine too." He offered it to me.

"I'm ok." I laughed, shaking my head.

"Eat it. I can always make myself more food when I get home." He laughed, not taking no for an answer.

"Remember when Keo and I switched for the first time?" I asked him.

"Yeah." He said, wondering where this was going.

"You walked in and held up the bag you brought back that had food. When you said 'food' to Keo, I may or may not have growled at him."

Ivan busted out laughing, "What did you say?"

I blushed, "I told him, 'Don't you dare, that's mine.'"

Ivan laughed harder, "Well you'll be happy to know that Boss wants me to give you more regular food so I'll be bringing extra each time."

"Oh I'm gonna get so fluffy." I laughed.

"I'll love you regardless, princess." Ivan said, looking at me seriously.

"You love me?" I asked.

Ivan raised an eyebrow, "I've loved you since the day I met you. I love you more with each passing day. Ari, I love you more than anything."

I blushed, "I love you too. I'm pretty sure I've loved you since the day I met you but I don't remember."

Ivan laughed, pulling me closer to him, "We'll have our memories back soon enough. Finish eating, I have a surprise for you."

"Ivan? Will you teach me how to fight more?" I asked him, "I need to learn to use my abilities more too, but at the very least learning how to fight better than what I can now will also help me keep in shape."

"Of course. We can spar when we can. If Boss still has the plan of letting me have a day to torture you maybe I can use that day to spar with you instead. But if your idea works, Boss might help teach you more on fighting and controlling your ability anyway."

"That's true, but I want to be able to do what you can do. I want to be useful and be able to fight with you, not just let you protect me and get hurt." I said, softly.

Ivan growled, "I'm always going to protect you. Even if you can beat me in a fight, which you can if you use your abilities correctly. But I'm always going to protect you."

I smiled at him, "I know you will, but I want to be able to help. Not be useless like I was before. I don't want you getting hurt."

Ivan kissed my forehead, "You're not useless, Ari. I understand you wanting to help, but please don't ever think that you're useless. I will teach you everything, but I'm still going to protect you. Now, time for your surprise."

Ivan brought me over to the other stuff he had brought in. We took the mat out of its packaging and laid it out. Ivan put the pillow on the mat for me and then handed me the blanket. I looked at him curiously but then I caught a whiff of my surprise. The blanket was one of Ivan's from his home. His smell lingered on the blanket and I brought it up to my nose and took in a deep breath. It smelt like him. My eyes watered up when I realized and he smiled and took me in his arms.

"When Boss told me to get you that stuff I thought about how I wanted to be able to hold you when you slept. This was the closest thing I could think of since I can't actually be here." Ivan told me.

I didn't know what to say, thank you didn't seem to be enough. I wasn't even sure how long I'd been here now and I hated when Ivan left. I felt like I would get a good night's rest for once. I wrapped the blanket around me and the tears spilled down my face. I only ever felt safe when I was in Ivan's arms. Ivan wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him.

"I take it you like your surprise?" Ivan asked, wiping my tears away.

"I love it. Thank you." I nodded.

"I'll do my best to keep my scent on it for you, princess." Ivan said.

I snuggled into his chest. Knowing he was going to have to leave soon. I just wanted to be in his arms for a while. I knew I would get a memory back tonight, I just hoped it would be the memory that we needed. I wanted to be bonded to him. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life.