Chapter 78

chapter Seventy Eight

*Ariya*

I laughed as I hopped off of Ivan's back and focused on putting the dome up. The dome started to take shape and Ivan's eyes grew wide and fearful.

"Ivan? What's wrong?" I asked him, worried.

His breathing picked up and I could see the panic taking over. He might have been in front of me but he wasn't mentally there. I took a step closer to him.

"Ivan?"

Ivan's attention snapped back to reality and he looked at me. He moved quickly to me, scooping me into his arms. Ivan buried his head into my shoulder and took a few deep breaths. I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm here, Ivan. Everything's ok. I'm right here." I whispered softly.

Ivan's body started to relax and he spoke, "I had a memory. Before Boss came in. When I fell asleep. I think it's why it's so aggressive when I shift. My last shift. I was terrified. I thought you were going to die. You did die. For a moment. At least I think you did. Keo died. Derek died. I was useless to try to protect any of you. I forgot until you started to put the dome up. It hit me when you did. The Shadow's that were over me. They were going to kill me. The only reason I'm alive is because you killed them."

"That's not possible. Ivan, I was 9 years old. I hadn't activated my ability yet by then."

"Emotions are a powerful thing. I think you did activate them that night. Both you and Keo. But Keo died and turned instead. You came back. But I think you did and when Drake locked your memories I think he blocked your abilities too. Like you said, you were 9. The best way to hide you was in plain sight and it worked."

"Is that why you were so scared?" I asked him.

Ivan nodded, "I thought you were going to die and I listened as your heartbeat slowed. I couldn't get you out of there and I couldn't talk to anyone. I can't lose you, Ari. I won't survive if I lose you."

"I'm not going anywhere." I told him.

"I lost you once already. And then you died and I wasn't there. You shouldn't have turned because you died. It was supposed to happen when you hit your prime age. Not before. I'm sorry." Ivan's body began shaking.

I took his face in my hands and made him look at me, "Ivan, I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here. I'm ok. If I hadn't turned then we would have to wait longer to get our memories back. We wouldn't be right here together. I'm happy that I have you back. Yes, dying was scary. This is scary. But I have you back and I want to be here in your arms."

Ivan's eyes glowed blue as he kissed me softly on the lips. My body melted into his.

"I'm yours Ari. Only yours. Whatever you want, I will make it happen. You only have to say it."

"I want you, Ivan. Everything else will come in time. I just want to be here in your arms." I told him.

"You have me." Ivan told me.

"Think we'll get the memory back on how we bond?" I asked, grinning at him.

Ivan's eyes glowed blue and his body shivered as he grinned at me, "I hope so. But are you sure that's what you want? It might mean a number of things. I know why that memory is missing though."

"As long as you want it, I want it too. I don't want to force you into anything but then again I don't know what it entails either. What do you mean you know why the memory is missing?" I asked.

"Derek. He didn't die right away. Something happened. I'm not exactly sure I know what it is. I'm not even sure if Drake knows. But Derek is the reason that Drake locked it. Oh and Ari, you're the one I don't want to force into anything. Please remember, I'm the one that feels the mate bond to you. Not the other way around."

I giggled, "I can feel it, Ivan. I always felt something towards you. I don't remember it but I know I loved you. Keo is the one that pointed it out to me and as soon as I remembered you, everything was back. Feeling wise. I don't remember all the details. But I know I have strong feelings for you."

Ivan grinned, "I'm glad you feel it. I know I've always felt something too. Even if I didn't always show it. I need to talk to Drake though. About what I remember. See if he remembers anything."

"Do you want me to reach out to him?" I asked.

"Yes, but only to set up how we are going to meet up. I need to talk to him face to face." Ivan said, seriously.

"Should it wait until tonight or do you want to do that while you go out and get me food, a blanket and a mat?" I asked him.

Ivan's eyes grew wide, "I forgot to tell you. When I got back everything was so chaotic at first and then it all happened so fast. It feels like a long time ago. Before I got into the room when you and Keo had switched. I ran into Boss and Jess."

"What happened?"

Ivan growled, "I don't like her. Jess was taunting me about you because no one has seen you since you turned. Only Boss and I are allowed here and the others are getting antsy. Boss mentioned torturing you but they haven't seen anything or I guess heard anything yet. I think Jess realizes that you're getting things like food. I tried to ignore her and walk off but she grabbed my arm."

I laughed, "That was stupid. Did you rip it off? If memory serves me correctly you give 1 word answers to pretty much everyone unless absolutely necessary to tell someone more. You really only talk to Boss and you would kinda talk to me but you were still short when you were Justin."

Ivan laughed with me, "True. I think I was pretty short when we were kids too though."

"Not when you were a wolf. You didn't have to talk but you would let me hang all over you. I remember Mom telling me not to bug you too much but you never seemed to mind me laying on you or giving me a ride on your back."

Ivan blushed, "I wasn't sure how to express how I felt. We were so young and I was older than you. I tried to keep my distance. I felt like when I was in wolf form I didn't scare you as much. I loved it when you'd fall asleep laying on me. I loved giving you a ride. I loved it when you would wrap your arms around my neck. I didn't feel so scared that I couldn't talk to anyone and you were close to me."

"I honestly was always worried that I was bugging or bothering you. Keo used to tell me you liked me but I didn't believe him. So he'd tease me when no one else was around because he knew I liked you. So you didn't tell me, did you rip off Jess's arm?"

Ivan laughed, "No, but Boss did tell her that I was authorized to kill her if she annoyed me."

"Shut up. Are you serious?" I laughed, amazed.

"Completely. She was so scared it was kinda funny. I had to hold back from laughing. But Boss wants you to sleep more. I think there's something he's looking for in your memories. I'm not sure what it is though."

"It might just be identifying you, well identifying who Ivan is. Boss is probably stressed about someone being here that he doesn't know who it is. He wants the upper hand but he knows my memories are locked on the plan. He wants to have the whole puzzle in front of him. Instead he has to actually work a little harder."

"It might be a good idea to tell Boss what my hair looks like. He might overlook everyone." Ivan told me.

I shifted uncomfortably, "I don't want to do anything that's going to risk putting you in danger. I won't be ok if something happens to you."

"I promise to let you know if I feel even slightly off. If I feel like there is even the slightest suspicion I promise to tell you." Ivan swore to me.

"If that happens, we're leaving. With or without our memories. I can't lose you." I told him.

"Deal. But Ari, I need you to know, I can't lose you either. I don't like that Boss is hurting you. I know you said you want to take it for training purposes but I don't like it."

"I promise I'll let you know if I can't handle it anymore. Ok?" I offered.

Ivan hesitated, "Ok."

"So when we bond, are we going to be able to talk through our mind?" I asked him.

"I think so. I feel like it's different with a mate bond and that's why I can't talk to anyone but I think we can still talk. I think it's more that I can't talk to anyone until we bond." Ivan said.

"Do you think we'll be able to talk when you're Justin?" I asked.

"I think so. I hope so. I think that's part of what makes it to where I'm not raising any suspicion. I remember but I don't remember." Ivan told me.